The Skeptics SA guide to

Your luck in the stars

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal; on the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, and make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are a jerk.
You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by ASIO. You have minor influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people pick their noses and abuse small furry animals.
You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick-tempered and scornful of advice. You have a very poor memory. You are a nerd.
You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination and work very hard. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but an agitator.
You are quick, intelligent and a thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means that you are cheap. Geminis never donate to charities and enjoy stepping on ant mounds.
You are sympathetic and understanding of other people’s problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off, which is why you will always be on welfare and will never be worth a damn. Go become a hermit. You smell bad!
You consider yourself a born leader but others think you are pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is appalling. It is a well known fact that the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your nit-picking style is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep during a conversation. Virgos kiss mirrors a lot.
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male you are probably effeminate. Your chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent. You were most probably dropped at birth by a very tall nurse with short arms.
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpio people suffer from severe flatulence problems.
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks and dope-heads. People laugh at you a lot because you are always getting swindled.
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chicken-hearted. There has never been a Capricorn of importance. Go for a long walk off a short jetty! Of course, not everyone needs to consider the heavenly bodies responsible for their own actions.

Australian Skeptics offer you, the reader, your own very special and wonderfully accurate horoscope:

Date of Birth: ......../......../........

You are a very special person, unlike anyone else. In particular, there is no aspect in which you resemble 1/12 of the world’s population. You pride yourself on your ability to think critically. You are so special, and have such high self-esteem, that you do not need astrologers to tell you what you sort of person you are.

All star signs: You should join Australian Skeptics

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